Comedians World

Bad Joke Eel on Stealing Calendars

2012-01-28T09:34:00.003-06:00

Bad Joke Eel knows the greatest jokes ever! He is especially good at spelling too. See if you can spot the mistake.

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a Calendar (correct spelling)?
They each got six months.

Bad Joke Eel on Son Leaving College

2012-01-28T09:22:00.002-06:00

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison

Bison-By son

Bad Joke Eel: How Does Moses Brew His Tea?

2012-01-26T16:27:00.005-06:00

How does moses make his tea?
HEBREWS it

However James Moses likes his tea shaken not stirred!

Best of Yahoo Answers: "Do I need a Passport to travel to Hawaii?"

2012-01-26T16:21:00.002-06:00

Do I need a Passport to travel to Hawaii?
Yes and much more.

Hawaii SEO, seems legit right?
Well I used to work at a place where our new SEO guy actually got on Yahoo answers, and answered lots of questions. Something about ranking up so that he could link back to our site and client sites.

Hired to Impregnate Neighbor's Beauty Queen Wife; Fails after 72 "Sessions". Movie Worthy?

2012-01-24T15:53:00.000-06:00

A nice story, with surprising end:
In Stuttgart, Germany, a court judge must decide on a case of honorable intentions in a situation where a man hired his neighbor to get his wife pregnant.
It seems that Demetrius Soupolos, 29, and his former beauty queen wife, Traute, wanted a child badly, but Demetrius was told by a doctor that he was sterile.
So, Soupolos, after calming his wife’s protests, hired his neighbor, Frank Maus, 34, to impregnate her. Since Maus was already married and the father of two children, plus looked very much like Soupolos to boot, the plan seemed good.
Soupolos paid Maus $2,500 for the job and for three evenings a week for the next six months, Maus tried desperately, a total of 72 different times, to impregnate Traute.
When his own wife objected, he explained, "I don’t like this any more than you. I’m simply doing it for the money. Try and understand."
When Traute failed to get pregnant after six months, however, Soupolos was not understanding and insisted that Maus have a medical examination, which he did.
The doctor’s announcement that Maus was also sterile shocked everyone except his wife, who was forced to confess that Maus was not the real father of their two children.
Now Soupolos is suing Maus for breach of contract in an effort to get his money back, but Maus refuses to give it up because he said he did not guarantee conception, but only that he would give an honest effort.

Don't believe me, here is the article.

It sounds pretty crazy but hopefully nobody is stupid enough to let this happen.

It's most likely a hoax, though I don't know why Snopes doesn't have a write up about it.

"According to Douglas Knight, this story had originally started as a article in Jet Magazine, written in 1978. While it doesn't prove that it's not a "hoax", this new piece of evidence does help to explain why I was unable to find anything on Google search relating to the court case (other than repeated copies of the same story)."

Bad Joke Eel on Weddings and Receptions

2012-01-21T12:26:00.001-06:00

Bad Joke Eel on Weddings

Two Radio Antennae got married the wedding was okay, but the reception was great.

Sopa Internet Blackout!

2012-01-17T19:20:00.003-06:00

In a remarkable example of a grassroots campaign gone viral, several websites including Google, Reddit, Wikipedia, BoingBoing, Imgur and Tucows, are planning an unprecedented Internet "strike" Wednesday to protest controversial anti-piracy legislation being considered by Congress.

To celebrate I thought I would share with you a funny picture I found on the internet.

So don't be surprised when you are not able to access your favorite website!

Chapelles Show- The Mad Real World Katie

2012-01-14T10:03:00.000-06:00

Chappelles Show

The Mad Real World - Katie

www.comedycentral.com

Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs

Black Comedy

True Hollywood Story

Featuring Amy Garber (White girl)

Lysol and Tyree step in on Chad's girlfriend, Katie.

This clip aired 2/26/2003

The Mad Real World

What happens when Tyree's buddy gets fresh out of jail?

He finds a white girl to bang.

Bad Joke Eel

2012-01-12T16:24:00.000-06:00

A new meme that was started on reddit.com

Eels always look like they just told a joke and are waiting for a reaction.

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
...Amirite?

FedEx Delivered My TV Yesterday

2011-12-26T00:54:00.000-06:00

Yea FedEx is an excellent delivery service. You would wonder how they could screw up a TV so bad, must have been this guy shipping it.

The Funniest Youtube Comment Ever

2011-12-24T13:55:00.000-06:00

Yea and I I just drop my magnum condoms so people think I have a huge dong.

Try to beat that BrokenSeattle.

Funny Call of Duty Modern Warfare Prank Guide

2011-11-12T20:51:00.001-06:00

An easy do it yourself guide to Rick Roll your friend. For the PC do this to make it autorun

Next time make a file called Autorun.inf and put this in that file

[autorun]
open=videoLocation.wmv
icon=MW3.ico

Add the mw3.ico file for added fun.

For the xbox do this.

Use DvDflick to make it a DVD, which would actual work on an xbox AND autoplay...

This is what the prankee had to say:
Hello, IAmA the friend. This was a birthday present for my brother. He is not a humorous man. He had also never seen this done before, however first hand experience did little to improve the overall effect. I have never bailed so quickly on a prank in my life. To celebrate his birthday he gifted me with life. Overall I enjoyed this prank, because I am still alive.

Modern Warfare 3 In a Nutshell

2011-11-08T17:03:00.001-06:00

One of the truest statements about Modern Warfare and Call of Duty.

"Today millions of grown men will pay 60$ to be repeatedly called fag by a 12 year old.

-Well said Cobra Commander, can't wait to get the game.

Santa Bot Says the Craziest Things

2011-11-06T15:19:00.000-06:00

Robot Santa Claus from Santabot.com or Futurama!?

"You DARE bribe Santa?! I'm gonna shove coal so far up your stocking, you'll be coughing up diamonds!"

―Robot Santa Claus

If you have ever watched Futurama then you are probably familiar with the Robot Santa Claus if not here is some funny facts about him from the wikipedia page. The Robot Santa Claus is a four tonne robot designed by The Friendly Robot Company, possibly a precursor to Mom's Friendly Robot Company, in 2801 to judge whether people were naughty or nicе and sort out presents accordingly. Due to a programming error, his standards were set way too high, and Santa Bot invariably judges everyone naughty with the exception ofZoidberg at least once. Every year on Xmas Eve, Santa comes to Earth on his robot-reindeer sleigh to punish the naughty, with extreme prejudice. It's said if someone is on the naughty list, and Robot Santa finds him or her, he will chop his or her head off and stuff his or her neck holes with toys from his sack of horrors. Usually though, he kills them using a variety of X-mas-themed murder devices and heavy ordnance.

Robot Santa Claus has proven quite resilient, having survived burning spaceship exhaust, explosions, and even survived listening to logical paradoxes, something, which destroys other robots, thanks to "paradox-absorbing crumple zones" built into his head.When not on his Xmas mass murder spree, he spends most of the year in his Death fortress at the North Pole of the planet Neptune, where he watches the people of Earth doing naughty things on a series of giant monitors, Big Brother style. A shantytown village named Jolly Junction lies at the base of his fortress, inhabited by unpaid, undersized, and underfed elf-dressed Neptunians.

Robot Santa Claus, though hostile to nearly everyone, apparently has a friendly acquaintances with Kwanzabo tand the Chanuka Zombie.

Yea now you've read the synopsis on the Futurama bot now listen to the santabot.com one.

No Gold For You Buddy!

2011-11-05T01:08:00.002-05:00

No gold for you.

That's how they get you. They lure you in with promises of gold and then BOOM. Fucking lightning. Fucking leprechauns.

Best Drag Queen Entrance EVER! (Funny)

2011-10-06T16:50:00.000-05:00

Nothing sais "I hate my balls" than jumping from the ceiling, landing splits on the floor, dressed in drag. Some people say "She looks like a real chick" < That's kind of the point of drag queens...

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash - Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

2011-10-06T16:47:00.000-05:00

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash - Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

Steve Jobs using Photobooth

But we still have Bush, Dick, and Gore!

Funny Picture: The Great Flaw of Youtube

2011-10-02T17:38:00.001-05:00

The Great flaw of Youtube. Whenever someone makes a comment at someone its impossible to find the original.

Funny Pictures: McDonald's New Sandwich

2011-10-02T17:30:00.001-05:00

NO thanks McDonalds I will pass. The Anus Pounder is not for everyone

Literally the Worst Definition Ever

2011-08-17T15:44:00.001-05:00

What a mess

"Figuratively" should never be used to denote strict meaning. "I figuratively killed that guy" means you didn't actually kill that guy, but rather killed his character in a video game or beat him handily at some activity or something similar. You're indicating that you're using a figure of speech, and are not using the literal meaning of the words. Most of the time, "figuratively" can be left out; whether or not you did literal killing should be clear from the context.

Likewise, "literally" should never be used to denote anything other than strict meaning. "I literally killed that guy" means you committed murder or manslaughter. It's often misused to add emphasis; for example, comparing the figurative killing to literal killing. Such a comparison doesn't make sense, since doing a super combo on a game character is nothing like murdering your friend. This is apart from scenarios where it would be entirely inappropriate to draw the comparison. (If you beat someone at a video game and for whatever reason they become distraught and take their own life, you probably want to avoid saying "I literally killed that guy.") Thus it's better to leave "literally" for its intended purpose.

Google UK: Looters Steal the "O"

2011-08-13T21:47:00.004-05:00

It was bound to happen. Looting has swept London by storm, hundreds of houses and businesses have been destroyed including Sony and Google. Recently one looter has gone so far as to steal the "o" in google off their website.

Scumbag Rioters: London Riots

2011-08-09T15:09:00.003-05:00

Rioters in London

Fed up with Government

Steals from small business owners.

From http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2011/08/london_riots.html

Two nights of rioting in London's Tottenham neighborhood erupted following protests over the shooting death by police of a local man, Mark Duggan. Police were arresting him when the shooting occurred. Over 170 people were arrested over the two nights of rioting, and fires gutted several stores, buildings, and cars. The disorder spread to other neighborhoods as well, with shops being looted in the chaos. Collected here are images from the rioting and the aftermath

Banana Gets Schooled

2011-08-01T01:00:00.000-05:00

Random security guard gets revenge for all the times the banana has picked on security. This happened recently at a Tampa Bay Rays game in between the inning. The song is Peanut Butter Jelly Time.

Funny Jokes about the Video
He easily could've handled it wrong, and gotten angry and hostile. Instead, he showed that banana how it's really done. Kudos to him.
I'm glad to see Carlton got a job after Fresh Prince.

Before and After: The Most Clever Picture Ever

2011-07-28T01:26:00.004-05:00

Before six beers you get some ugly hag, after six beers you get a hot smoking queen.

If you don't get it maybe you should drink six beers and turn the picture upside down.

Mad TV: Lesbionic Women

2011-07-26T17:27:00.000-05:00

The Lesbionic Women has some newfound powers. A new hit TV show coming to NBC on girl on girl wednesdays.

"Now what kind of man, would pay for 50 million dollars for a 3-way"

" any man with 50 million dollars, right fellas"

It has Arrived

2011-07-26T17:18:00.003-05:00

Porn

Self Deprecating Sense of Humor

2011-07-26T17:17:00.001-05:00

Jeep with license plate "ROTFL"

The license plate of this jeep is "ROTFL" meaning Rolling on the Floor Laughing. The ironic thing is the person is a handicap.

4chan: What Would You Bring if You Were Stranded on an Island?

2011-07-25T16:30:00.001-05:00

Found this while on 4chan
An anonymous person asks:

If you were stranded on an island what three items would you bring?
Whats not allowed:
*women
*vessels
*planes

1) 4chan
2) food
3) bed

Another person replies
1. Michael Phelps
2. Saddle
3. A stick with a gold medal tied to the end of it.

4chan: I Found Out I'm HIV Positive

2011-07-24T11:17:00.002-05:00

Here is a funny post I found while browsing around 4chan.
The person says So I found out I'm HIV positive. I guess that's the end of my story.

A person replies,"oh man i know how you feel. Yesterday I noticed that I need new shoes.

Funny Picture: Amy Winehouse Found Dead

2011-07-23T18:46:00.004-05:00

From Yahoo

Amy Winehouse Lost Her Battle with Drug and Alcohol Addiction

Amy Winehouse

"Amy Winehouse was found dead in her apartment today. The death is listed as unexplained. In the end, Winehouse was better known for her brushes with the law and drug addiction than she was for her talent, and she was talented. She had a wonderful voice and a great musical style." A famous musician known for her song Rehab. " oh they try to make me go to rehab i say no no no."

In hindsight......

Maybe I should've gone to rehab...

Someone is Bitter about Borders

2011-07-22T17:33:00.002-05:00

Someone is a little bit bitter about Borders closing. A local resident had this to say.

“I think it’s going to be a total loss to the community…where else will people go?” asked Nellie Maskal, who has lived in Silver Spring for 32 years. “First Pier 1 Imports [closed] and now this. But it’s a sign of the times I guess.” The accessibility of the downtown location is what many Silver Spring residents say will be hard to overcome. They will now need to go to Amazon, so sad.

Someone put up a sign reading No Public Restroom. Try Amazon.

Fail: How do you get Youtube to film you?

2011-07-22T17:11:00.000-05:00

Saw this hilarious Ask Yahoo post a while ago while browsing around Reddit.

The person asks "How to get youtube to film you?"
"I have been calling, calling, and calling Youtube like crazy to come film some videos for me but they won't come. I do not understand how other people get there videos on Youtube.Youtube needs to come film me cuz i have some funny things to show the internet."The best answer is one of those drawings using the letters and symbols. It shows the shame of the question.

Here is the actual post.

Mad TV: Easy Bake Oven

2011-07-21T17:53:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite skits from the Mad TV crew: The Easy Bake Oven Skit or the real name

Spishak: Hey, It's Oven for Kids! (Episode #812)

Here is the transcript to the episode.
Cast:
Josh Meyers - Spishak's Spokesman (SS)
Debra Wilson - Mother
Extra 1 - [Black] Daisy 1 (Number 1)
Extra 2 - [Black] Daisy 2 (Number 2)
Extra 3 - [White] Daisy 3 (Number 3)

Spishak's Spokesman : How many times has this happened to you?

(Midget pirate comes out of the fridge and goes in to a cupboard, an alien comes in through the door and goes in the same cupboard with him)

Mother : What the FU--?

Spishak's Spokesman : Ok, how many times has this happened to you?

[Black] Daisy 1 : Mommy, I want to bake a cake in my...

Mother : (whispering) Easy Bake Oven.

[Black] Daisy 1 : Easy...

Mother : (whispering) ...Bake Oven

[Black] Daisy 1 : Um, what?

***

[Black] Daisy 2 : Mommy, I want to bake a cake in my Easy Bake Oven, but the light bulb blown out.

Mother : Damnit, I guess I have to change the damn bulb.

(reaches in the oven and the bulb blows up in her hand)

Mother : AHH!! DAMNIT! Oh, god.... (takes a puff from cigarette, now normal holding out her burnt hand) Isn't there a child's toy oven that doesn't utilize light bulbs as their methods of their confection?

(in comes the SS)

Spishak's Spokesman : Well, now you can!

[Black] Daisy 2: Who the hell are you?

SS : The Spishak's Spokesman. And I got a new toy so modern and fun that you say goodbye to that old fashioned toy oven.

(SS starts breaking and throwing and tearing up the Easy Bake Oven, the daughter number two starts breaking down and crying)

SS: Now, little Daisy, are you ready for your new toy oven of the future?

(daughter number two still is crying)

Mother : SHUT UP!

SS : Are you ready for your new toy oven of the future?

***

[White] Daisy 3 : Sure mister, that's sounds fun. (SS breaks out the new oven, leaves mess all over the place)

Mother : Who's cleaning that up?

SS: That's the spirit. It's

Spishaks: Hey, It's Ovens for Kids!

Mother : No more light bulbs?

SS : No more light bulbs.

[White] Daisy 3 : No more light bulbs?

SS : No more light bulbs.

Mother : No more light bulbs?

SS : NO!!... And just like mommy's oven, because it runs on clean burning gas.

Mother : And it's a fact, food cook with natural gas doesn't have that strange electric taste.

[White] Daisy 3 : I wanna try, I wanna try!

SS : Hold on there little Daisy.(background) Mother : Yeah, hold on.

SS : First we have to hook it up.

Mother : Well, that sounds easy enough.

SS : AS easy as one, two, three. One: Unhook your kitchen oven from the gas line.

(foreground: Daisy is unhooking the kitchen oven and moving it; background: SS and Mother having a smoke.)

SS : Two, refasten the gas line to your "Hey, It's Oven for Kids" oven's gas nozzel.

(Daisy unhookng and trying to fit the gas line to the nozzel, doesn't work, gas is running in the background)

[White] Daisy 3 : I don't think it fits very well....

SS : You're insane.... And step three: just light the pilot light with Spishaks "My First Matches" included in the box. (goes over to Daisy) Daisy, don't you want to learn how to light your first match?

[White] Daisy 3 : Okay..

(tries to light the match, not lighting)

SS : Here, let me try...

(house explodes when he lights the match)

Mad TV: Kenny Rogers Fear Factor

2011-07-21T17:24:00.000-05:00

The third Kenny Rogers' skit and episode from MadTV. Hilarious as always.

Host: Joe Rogan - Michael McDonald
Chris Tucker - Debra Wilson
Sisqo - Aries Spears
Rosie O'Donnell - Alex Borstein
Kenny Rogers - Will Sasso

Here is the transcript to the Fear Factor Episode

Joe: Welcome to fear factor
I’m Joe Roglan, Rojam?
Well the cue cards are going a little fast, maybe we could slow them down?
The stunts you are about to see are very, very dangerous.
Try them at home,
Okay,
Whatever I just said there’s supposed to be a don’t in there somewhere
So maybe we could slow down the cue cards down huh?

Voice: Tonight on an all star Celebrity Fear Factor:

(shows the four celebrities walking in slow motion, zoom in on Chris)

Chris: Bring on Fear Factor I am the funniest man alive
I am box office gold
(Cut to show contestest bio):

Yall can’t touch me, ladies man, y’all try to touch and you’ll cut yourself you know why cause I’m sharp!
That’s right I am as sharp as a tac
Tickedy tact tac, tac, tac speaking of that I need me a tic tac
Cause my breath be stanking! Y’know what

(Cut to contestant bio):

Sisqo: Girlfriend I ain’t afraid of nothing well except,
neck breakers and snakes and bugs
Plus I don’t like wind and superficiality of any sort.
I ain’t gonna stand for it!

(Cut to contestant bio):

Rosie: I ain’t afraid of nothin’
Bop bop potato dow Hey
Accept maybe if Canny disappeared from hear
Arghh gimmie that!

(Cut to contestant bio):

Kenny: HI I’M KENNY ROGERS!
Welcome to the Kenny Rogers invitational golf clasic
What a beautiful day it is here in Charlottesville Virginia,
Golf greats young and old like Chip Malloy and Billy Loomey will team up with today’s two hottest stars:
Cindy Lauper and Patrick Duffy!

STUNT ONE

Joe: okay Celebrities, and Sisqo, here is your first stunt
You will stand against this wall
(Chris interrupts Joe)

Chris: Lemmie tell ya sumthin’
I can stand up against a wall that’s Eeazy!
Watch this man I’ma stand against the wall, gonna have my back right up against the wall
I’m tellin’ ya Fear Factor, y’all better have my money!

(balls start hitting chris)
I make too much money for y’all to be messin’ with this face,
don’t be messin’ with this face

Joe: You will stand against the wall and try and dodge the pitching machine.
You ready Chris?

Chris: OOOHHWW!

Joe: Also you can’t scream or fall
You ready Chris? Chris?
(Chris is lying on the ground with a ball in his mouth)
YOU’RE OUT! YOU BLEW IT! YOU’RE GONE! HOW DOES IT FEEL!?

Chris: Man I feel like Randy King, no just no peace
Get off me man, watchu tryin’ to do to me?
Did I win anything?

(Cut to Sisqo against the wall)

Sisqo: Stand against the wall with balls flying in my face
Now I know what Christina Aguilera feels like.
(loads of balls are fired at Sisqo)

Uh, UH, AHH, Ah Harder…..ARGHHH!

(Sisqo is lying on the floor)

Joe: YOU’RE OUT! YOU BLEW IT! YOU’RE GONE!
I’d ask you how you feel but I just don’t care, neither does anyone else

(Cut to Rosie against the wall, with balls flying at her)

Rosie: C’MON! I can’t feel your balls!
I CAN’T FEEL YOUR BALLS AT ALL!
CAUSE I’M SHOT FULL OF ANTIDEPRESSANTS!
(She turns round and the balls bounce off her butt)

Bop Ba potato da dow argh!

(Cut to Kenny against the wall, with balls flying at him)

Kenny: And welcome back to the Kenny Rogers invitational golf classic
If you’ve just joined us, Billy Loomey is about to serve
SON OF A BITCH, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF! (one of the balls smashes Kenny bottle)

ARGH I BROKE MY BOOZE!

(cut to Rosie Joe and Kenny who is guzzling some alcohol)

Joe: Chris and Sisqo have been elimina…elimin
Hey Kenny do you know that word there?

Kenny: NAH MAN I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE I LIVE! HA HA HA
I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS MARLON BRANDO!

Rosie: I’m Rosie you fat Boozebag

Kenny: BOOZEBAG!? YOU CALLIN’ ME A…
Hey I kinda like that

Joe: Hey Celebrities are you Hungry?

Kenny: Every minute of the day

Rosie: Oh yeah, 1, 2, 3 o’clock 4 o’clock I eat.
5, 6, 7, even 7 I eat 7:30, 8 o’clock, 9 o’clock, 10 o’clock maybe even 11
(Kenny interrupts Rosie)
Kenny: SHUT UP DANNY DEVITO!

Joe: Let’s bring out the box

STUNT TWO

Kenny: Oh the box I’ve seen this, this is the part where they eat LIVE BEETLES!

Rosie: Oh, when I saw it, it was with worms

Joe: This time it’s better, we’ve got live kittens. (shows 4 kittens in the box)

The Celebrity who…eats the most… kittens gets the Grand Prize

Roseie: Come ‘ere you
C’MON GET IN ROSIE! (Rosie tries to eat one kitten)

C’MON Arrrr oh Sweet Mama this is tough, I have eaten the tire of a truck and a bucket of ball bearings but I Rosie can’t do it, I can’t bring myself to eat em’

Kenny: Hey MOVE IT TOUGH GUY!
C’mon here hold this (gives Rosie his bottle to hold)
(He picks 2 kittens out of the box)[/i]
Alright Now I’ll take you and I’ll take the mustard cat

(Kenny begins eating the two kittens, while Rosie and Joe look on in disgust as furr balls fly everywhere)

(shows Kenny finishing the kittens with furr all over his beard)

Joe: You did it man you ate the Kittens man,
How does it feel?

Kenny:Well to be honest it could’ve used some potatoes ha ha ha
I ain’t complaining though, kinda tastes like chicken,
Not my chicken, KENNY ROGERS’ ROSTERS COCKADOODLE GOOOOD!

Joe: Fear is not a factor for you Kenny Rogers
You have just won $50,000.00!

Kenny: 50,000, $50,000.00? F*** YOU MAN, I WIPE MY ASS WITH $50,000.00!

Tell me this Joe, what kind of crazy Golf Tournament is this?
What’s that? (Kenny hits Joe in the head with his golf club)
Ha, ha, ha, ha
Whoops, hit the bucket

Hey Joe wait, I wanna beat the Sh** out of you!

(Kenny chases Joe Swinging his golf club at him, they both run into the distance)

Joe: Help!
Help Me!

Cue Fear Factor Title Screen

Saturday Night Live: Natalie Rap

2011-07-21T00:56:00.000-05:00

Natalie Portman raps about drinking and fighting on Saturday Night Live.

The Lonely Island: Natalie's Rap Lyrics

Songwriters: Asa Taccone;Jorma Taccone;Akiva Schaffer;Andrew Samberg
Featuring: Natalie Portman Lyrics, Chris Parnell

Here are the lyrics to the uber funny video.
Chris Parnell: We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.

Natalie Portman: Hello.

Parnell: So, Natalie, what's the day in life of Natalie Portman like?

Portman: Do you really want to know?

Parnell: Yes, tell us.

Portman: I don't sleep mother f***er
off that yak and bourbon
doin' 120 gettin head while I'm swervin

Seth Meyers: D**n Natalie you a crazy chick

Portman: Yo shut the f*** up and suck my d**k
I'm bustin dudes mouth like gushers mother f***er
roll up on NBC and smack the s**t outta Jeff Zucker

Guys: What you want Natalie
Portman: to drink and fight
Guys: what you need Natalie
Portman: to f*** all night

Don't test when i'm crazy on that airplane glue
put my foot down your throat
till you s**t in my shoe
leave you screaming
pay for my dry cleaning
f*** you man
It's my name that he's screamin'

Parnell: I'm sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?
Portman: I never said I was a role model.
Parnell: What about the kids taht look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

Portman: All the kids lookin up to me can suck d**k
It's portman mother f***er
drink till i'm sick
slit your throat
and poor nitrous down the hole
watch you laugh and cry
while I laugh you die
and all the Jews
you know I'm talkin to you
Guys: we love you natalie
Portman: I wanna f*** you too
P is for portman
P is for pound
i'll kill your f**in dog for fun so don't push me

Parnell: Well, Natalie I'm surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.
Portman: Well there's a lot you may not know about me.
Parnell: Really? Such as?

When I was in Harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
and snorted all the yay
I gotta a def posse
and you gotta buncha dudes
I sit down on your face and take a s**t

Andy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad @$$ b***h (h**l yah)
and I always pay for your dry cleanin
when my s**t gets in your shoe
as for the drug use
well I can vouch for that
my d**k is scared of you
girl

Parnell: Okie-doke. One final question, if you steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it--

(Portman throws chair at Parnell)
Portman: No more questions

Chappelle's Show: Tupacs New Song

2011-07-18T22:31:00.000-05:00

Chappelles Show

Tupac is Still Alive

www.comedycentral.com

Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs

Black Comedy

True Hollywood Story

Tupac wrote this song a long time ago, way before Blackberry pagers. Tupac is still alive he released this new song.

Dave Chapelle/Tupac Lyrics

"Dave Chappelle Show: New Tupac Skit"

Listen close, as life turns its pages
Makeveli here, kickin rhymes for the ages
see things is changin, wives, work, smokin by sages
from skytell to blackberry pagas!
yo crew dont phase us, well make you bustas pay us
run up in yo spot like CJ from San Andreas.

I wrote this song a long time
a real long time ago FEEL ME!
i wrote this song a long time ago
it was the dopest song i ever wrote in 94

now what can a nigga do..
when half the people voted for george W.
Listen close, George W. cant be true
im gunna choke him, cause hes a snitch
Im talkin bout george w smith
from city council, he ran in 93
out in oakland, you probably didnt hear about him.

I wrote this song a long time ago
a real long time ago
way before slim shady was in demand
way before we dropped bolony on afghanistan
i wrote this song in 94!

how am i doin this?!?!
look around the club
see everyone in the place
showin pac love
and a smile on my face
the girl in the mini skirt has bad taste
cause that shirt dont match
and theres a puddin stain on the back
what the fuck is that?!
it might be dooo doooo!
and you in the back you ain't the shit,
you bought a gin a tonic but u didnt even tip
and if u hit this table one more time
then the record might skip *record skips* might skip
i told you...stop hittin the table.

Tupac is ova. I wrote this crap in 1994.
IM NOT ALIVE!
THUG LIFE!
dave chappelle, that aint yo wife.
you better leave, you have 2 kids
GO HOOOOOMMMEE!!!
i wrote this song a long time ago
a real long time ago
way before beanie seigel had to do a bid
way before dave chappelle had 2 kids
you aint gettin no coochy.
DJ: rest in peace
OKAY I WILL!

Mad TV: Kenny Rogers Reality Show (The Apprentice)

2011-07-17T20:04:00.000-05:00

The only thing standing between these reality TV show contestants is Kenny Rogers. This skit is a direct parody of the reality TV show The Apprentice.

Here is a transcript :
Kenny Rogers – Will Sasso
Snotty Go getter – Ron Pederson
Chinese Guy – Bobby Lee
Just a Guy Guy – Ike Barinholtz
Amorosa – Danielle Gaither

(This Sketch begins in an Office with dimmed lights, quite similar to the Apprentice, with four smart contestants dressed in suits)

These 4 Contestants are about to compete in the Ultimate challenge
Only one of them can be victorious.
And their fate rests in the hands of one man...

Kenny: Hi I’m Kenny Rogers!
Woooooo (spins round on his chair)
You’re all on my reality show bitches! (he points to the Kenny Rogers reality show sign)

This is gonna be the best reality show ever
Uh, hold on a second I gotta take a Sh** (winks at the camera and leaves the room)
SIX HOURS LATER
(kenny re-enters the room)

Hooooweee!
That Burned,
alright, now where were we?
Oh yeah that’s right the dumb ass contestants
OK first over here we’ve got

The uhhhh the Snotty go getter

And then theres the uhhhhh the uh the Chinese guy
And then theres uhhh what are you?

Guy: Just a guy

Kenny: you’re just a guy guy

And then the (Kenny gets very excited), HEY oh yeah hey it’s my favourite look everybody
It’s the crazy black lady

Amorosa: I beg your pardon

Kenny: The Crazy black lady
Every reality has a crazy black lady, includin' mine.

Amorosa: I’m sorry I find that very offensive

Kenny: That’s not bad, but you gotta put some sass on it Amorosa
Like this, (Kenny sits in Amorosa's seat and tries to be a crazy black lady)

Oh damn, I ain’t havin’ it, Leggo' my eggo! (Kenny unexpectedly slams the Guy guy's head into the table 4 times)
I’m America’s best top model up in this mo' (Kenny takes a bow and the contestants clap)
That is what I call reality show sass.

Snotty: (waving his hands about as he speaks)
I’m sorry I was under the impression this show was going to be like the apprentice?
What exactly is this show?

Kenny:
(Kenny impersonates the snotty go getter ridiculing him, he waves his hands) maherna her derna der, derna durna durna duh!
Ha ha ha ha, do you hear that everybody the snotty go getter can’t read!
Well you f***in’ moron
The show is called (Kenny farts)

What’s this sign behind me I can’t read it
Hey lets all switch sides (gets up to swap sides of the table)
Well you live and you learn, alright c’mon everybody, you go on over they, alright
That’s better, anyways
The show is called, oh now it’s on the (Kenny farts again)
Kenny points at the Snotty go getter and agrily says:

You’re fired!

Snotty: What?
Already?

Kenny:Yeah, but I gave you immunity so stay
(Kenny starts guzzling some Jack Daniels)

Burp

Contestants talk amonst themselve and express their disgust:
Oh, he’s gonna get alcohol poisoning

(Kenny finishes his bottle and smashes it over his head)

Snotty: God, didn’t that hurt?

Kenny: No, not at all, you wanna try?
(Kenny smashes the bottle over the snotty go getter’s head knocking him out)

Chinese: Now what do we do?

Kenny: I know let’s do one of them challenge parts

(Cut to the outdoors on a field which looks similar to where the Kenny Rogers Jackass was filmed. The Four Contestants are sat on the grass, kenny is stood up wearing a Kenny Rogers Reality Show vest and grass skirt, holding a spear)

Your first challenge of the day is called... (throws the spear down)
Shootin’ guns at eachother.
I want you all to select a gun from this here cedar pot latch bowl

Amorosa: Are these paintball guns or something?

Kenny: No nah they’re real, look (shoots himself in the leg)

ARGHH!

The contestants are shocked
(Kenny Shoots himself in the other leg) ARGHH!

That one tasted like cinnamon

Alright let’s try yours (starts shooting at the contestants, they try to run away)

Cut to the Kenny Rogers Reality show title screen
Stay tuned for the exciting conclu-clusion of Kenny Rogers Reality show

DAY 2

Kenny: You’re all playing the game real smart so far
(Kenny points at the Guy guy and shouts):
EXCEPT FOR THIS D*** WAD RIGHT HERE!

(the Guy Guy looks unimpressed and shakes his head is disbelief)

DAY 3

Kenny: Da, da, da, da, alright
Our next challenge is Amoroso has to pick a bachelor to marry
But first let’s swap wives, I’m married to you (Kenny grabs the guy guy)
(he grabs the snotty go getter by the arm and hurts him)
and the rest can all be married to the Chinese guy, ready, go!

(Kenny talks to the Guy Guy):
This house is filthy uh, stop dressing my kids up like homos
How come you never f*** me anymore?
(Kenny gives the guy a double nipple twister)

Guy Guy: AHHHHHHHH!

Kenny: Alright Amorosa which one of them is the next American Idol?

Amorosa: how am I supposed to (Kenny interrupts her)

Kenny: UHHHHH, Wrong, the right answer was the snotty go getter (Kenny punches the snotty go getter)Well I'm first,
Amoroso, you lost, now you gotta eat sumthin’ gross

Amorosa: Like what?

Kenny: Oh I don’t know? Anything really (starts sniffing)

OH YEAH! (runs over to a tree, grabs a racoon and beats it death,

he then rips it’s head open and removes it’s brains and walks back to the contestants and holds the brains up to the camera)

RACOON BRAINS!

Amorosa: and why do I have to eat this?

Kenny: because everybody on reality shows eats racoon brains, doy!
On America’s Best top Model they eat roon brains
On Amazing Race they eat racoon brains
On the O.C they eat racoon brains
it’s the reality show brain eating way!

(Amorosa is about to try and eat some brains when suddenly)

HEY SAVE SOME FOR ME!
(Kenny puts some sauce on the brains and stuffs them in his mouth. he chews them and some drops out of his mouth)
Tastes just like chicken
BUT BRAINIER!

Ha, Ha, ha, ha, ha, (Punches snotty again)

DAY 4

(Back in the office, no sign of Kenny, the contestants sit bored and waiting)

DAY 5 (Still in the office Kenny enters the room)

Kenny: Hey y’all listen, sorry I was gone for Day 4 but Dolly Parton came over to my house and guess what, they’re real hahahahahhaaha (Kenny does hand gestures to show what he was doing with Dolly also a reference to Dolly's fake boobs)

Cut to the outdoors again)

Welcome back our next challenge is called extreme makeover, ready, Extreme Makeover (Kenny smashes a Jack Daniels bottle over the Chinese guy's head
Oh he's alright, (he smashes another piece of glass on the Chinese guy's head, who is now nearly unconscious)[/i]
Perfect.
Our next challenge is called the Fraid Factor, so watch out cause this is really Afraiding...
(Kenny throws a baseball bat into the air, runs after it and jumps head first onto the grass with the bat hitting his head.

He walks back to the contestants)
I hope that didn’t scare ya too bad

Chinese: Uh, that wasn’t scary at all
Guy Guy: That was just stupid

Kenny: EXTREME MAKOVER! (smashes the guy guy over the head with the bottle)

DAY 6 (still outdoors, Kenny stands by his car, the four contestants are wearing boxing gloves)

For the final competition, y'all are gonna pimp my ride
But you’re not gonna pimp my ride
You’re gonna box my ride, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Just a guy guy you go first!
(Kenny gets in his car and puts it in reverse, the guy guy stands tall with his fists up,

Kenny drives straight into the Guy guy at full speed running him over,

Kenny gets out of the car and turns to the remaining 3 contestants)

Alright who’s next? (the Guy guy is under Kenny's car)

Cut back to the office

Kenny:Well the competion is over
That was the best reality ever

Snotty: Who won?

Kenny: America did, again!
YOU’RE ALL FIRED!
I’m Kenny Rogers go vist my website
Dubya dubya dubya dot Kenny Rogers says hi dot com www.kennyrogerssayshi.com
There you’ll find some chicken recipes,
Mug shots and my Blog
BYE!

Saturday Night Live: Steve Martin's Penis Beauty Creme

2011-07-15T17:02:00.000-05:00

Steve Martin's Penis Beauty Creme, all you have to do is apply it for just a few minutes.

Steve Martin as Steve Martin
Bob Hillets performed by Chris Elliot
Dave Marcus performed by Kevin Nealon

Steve Martin: Hi, I'm Steve Martin. With so many celebrities endorsing cosmetics these days, I wanted to make sure the cosmetic I endorsed was very special. That's why I'm proud to put my name on.. Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream.. New Formula. Try my new beauty cream, and in a matter of weeks your penis will be looking smoother and softer, the way women like it. And because of the new formula no more scaling. Here's how it works:

Just take a small amount and rub gently on the penis for several minutes up to a half-hour. You'll notice a difference right away. And, don't worry, a slight discoloration is normal. Bob, tell us, how has my Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream.. New Formula helped you?

Bob Hillets: Well, Steve, I'm in real estate, and if I'm not confident, I can't do my job.

Steve Martin: And you can't feel confident unless your manhood is smooth and soft, right?

Bob Hillets: Exactly! If I'm thinking about my appearance, I'm not thinking about selling houses. The day I started using Steve's cream, I sold three houses. Now, I have more energy than before, my confidence is sky-high, I just got my pilot's license, and next week I'm flying solo from L.A. to Tahoe with nothing onboard except two jars of your cream.

Steve Martin: That's great!

Bob Hillets: Well, the best part, Steve, is that now I can throw away all those cans of turtle wax.

Steve Martin: Our next guest actually started using my new cream by accident. Isn't that right, Dave?

Dave Marcus: That's right, Steve. I thought it was for something else.

Steve Martin: And now that you've been using the product, how have you found it?

Dave Marcus: Well, Steve.. I've found I have a lovelier, more luxurious, softer penis than I ever had with other beauty creams, probably because it's the first beauty lotion made especially forthe johnson. I'll tell you - if I could afford it, I would use your cream 24 hours a day.

Steve Martin: And, is your wife more attracted to you now that you've been using my cream?

Dave Marcus: Well, Steve, my wife recently left me, But before she did, she told me, "I hope you and your Steve Martin's Beauty Cream will be very happy.

Steve Martin: Well, that's a lovely tribute! Thank you, Dave. Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream.. New Formula. You know it's safe. Why? Because it's tested on animals. And, if you order by mail, don't worry - it's shipped in a plain brown wrapper with the words "Not Penis Cream" stamped all over it in big red letters. So pick up a jar today, and remember, it's the only cream with a picture of my penis on it!

Saturday Night Live: Coin Slot Cream

2011-07-15T15:54:00.000-05:00

Presenting Lindsey Lohan and Kristen Wiig in the commercial parody for Neutrogena coin slot cream.
Season 31: Episode 16

Here is the transcript to the hilarious video.

Neutrogena Coin Slot Cream

Girl #1.....Lindsay Lohan
Girl #2.....Kristen Wiig
Announcer.....Amy Poehler

[ FADE IN ]

[ A cascade of water whirls THROUGHOUT the screen and stops. Two girls, LINSDAY LOHAN & KRISTEN WIIG, dance onto the center. Bumping and grinding. Lindsay faces the camera. ]

Girl #1: There's hand moisturizer for your hands.

[ Lindsay shows both her palms. Both resume dancing. ]

Girl #2: And face moisturizer for your face.

[ Kristen makes a goofy face. The girls continue to bump. ]

Girl #1: What about moisturizer for your coin slot?

[ A finger points to Lindsay's butt crack. Her face turns serious. ]

Girl #2: With today's low-cut fashions, your coin slot is exposed to both sun and wind.

Girl #1: That can leave your slot dry and flaky.

[ An ANIMATED rendering of a rear end displays damages of UV rays. ]

Girl #1: Introducing new "Coin Slot Creme" by Neutrogena.

[ Lindsay holds a bottle of the product w/Kristen by her side. An EXTREME CLOSE-UP of the product displays itself with water splashes around it. ]

Girl #2: A cleansing lotion designed especially for your coin slot.

[ Kristen points to her butt crack. ]

[ Another ANIMATED rendering shows a drop of "Coin Slot Creme" removing the effects of harmul UV rays to the coin slot. ]

Announcer: Neutrogena's "Coin Slot" hydrates and replenishes while moving unwanted dirt and oil. Leaving your skin smooth and silky.

Girl #1: Peace out, coin slot dryness!

Girl #2: "Coin Slot Creme" should not be used on your arms...

Girl #1: Legs...

Girl #2: Face...

Girl #1: Shoulders...

Girl #2: Or upper back.

Girl #1: So don't go there!

[ The girls return to bumping and grinding. ]

Announcer: "Coin Slot Creme" by Neutrogena.

Both: Kick coin slot dryness to the curb!

[ Both women perform a high-kick. ]

[ A SUPERIMPOSED image of the logo remains front and center on-screen. ]

Saturday Night Live: Adam Sandler Hanukkah Song

2011-07-14T18:04:00.001-05:00

Presenting Adam Sandler in Saturday NIght Live performing his Hanukkah song.
Here is the lyrics to the funny video.

Intro: this is a song, that uh, there's a lot of xmas songs out there, but not
Too many about hanukkah, so I wrote a song for all those nice little jewish
Kids who don't get to hear any hanukkah songs--here we go...

Put on your yalmulka, here comes hanukkah
Its so much fun-akkah to celebrate hanukkah,

Hanukkah is the festival of lights,
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.

When you feel like the only kid in town without a x-mas tree, heres a list of
People who are jewish, just like you and me:

David lee roth lights the menorrah,
So do james caan, kirk douglas, and the late dinah shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the karnickey deli,
Bowzer from sha-na-na, and arthur fonzerrelli.

Paul newmans half jewish; goldie hawns half too,
Put them together--what a fine lookin' jew! [esus]

You don't need deck the halls or jingle bell rock
Cause you can spin the dreidl with captain kirk and mr. spock--both jewish!
[esus]

Put on your yalmulka, it's time for hanukkah,
The owner of the seattle super sonic-ahs celebrates hanukkah.

O.j. simpson-- not a jew!
But guess who is...hall of famer¡ºrod carew--(he converted!)

We got ann landers and her sister dear abby,
Harrison fords a quarter jewish--not too shabby!

Some people think that ebeneezer scrooge is,
Well, he's not, but guess who is:all three stooges. [esus]

So many jews are in show biz--
Tom cruise isn¹t, [tacit] but I heard his agent is. [esus]

Tell your friend veronica, it's time you celebrate hanukkah
I hope I get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely hanukkah.

So drink your gin-and-tonic-ah, and smoke your mara-juanic-ah,
If you really, really wanna-kah, have a happy, happy, happy, happy
Hanukkah¡ ¡ . happy hanukka!

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/adam+sandler/#share

Chappelle's Show: The Racial Draft

2011-07-13T17:14:00.000-05:00

Chappelle brings you the Racial Draft in this funny skit on the Chappelle's show featuring the Blacks, Jews Latinos, Whites, and Chinese.

This is the first and only racial draft presented in Brooklyn filled with the biggest names in sports and pop culture.

1st Pick: The Blacks choose Tiger Woods, the richest and most dominate athlete. He is now officially 100% black. Probably the funniest quote in the whole skit."So long fried rice hello fried chicken." "I've always wanted to say this fo shizzle"

2nd Pick: The Jews pick Lenny Kravitz, a half black half jewish person.

3rd Pick: The Latinos pick Elian Gonzalez. The latinos didn't want her to be adopted by some white person. The latinos were pretty excited holding signs up reading "Get Tequila"

4th Pick: The Whites pick Colin Powell, someone not even 1/8th white but completely black. The black delegation allows the pick on the condition that they draft Conzaliza Rice. The whites also make a deal for Eminem allowing the blacks to draft OJ Simpson.

5th Pick: The Last pick goes to the Chines. The Asian Delegation pulls a fast one and chooses the entire Wu Tang Clan. Probably the biggest upset in history.

Mad TV: Kenny Rogers in Jackass

2011-07-12T17:38:00.000-05:00

Will Sasso impersonates Kenny Rogers in this skit and parody of Jackass on Mad TV.
"Hi I'm Kenny Roger and this is Jackass." Full of funny and witty jokes pointed directly at the TV show Jackass, a show featuring people performing various dangerous crude, ridiculous, and self-injuring stunts and pranks.
This is Jackass on another level adding another dynamic of funny, making fun of Kenny Rogers in the process. Filled with him sloppily walking and drinking whiskey.
Rogers performs many stunts including the police brutality, stilt walking while getting hit with bats, self defense, offroading with children's toys, drinking a variety of milks, and many others. The skit is filled with self injuring stunts. It seems every scene a bat is involved where the cast members get to trade blows with the wooden bats.

Notable Quotes
"I was raised on the dairy, BITCH!"
"You got eggnog in my goat milk!!!!"
"GIMME ALL YOUR MONNE!"... "HEY AREN'T YOU THE GUY FROM BLINK 182!"

Chappelle's Show: Trading Spouses Spoof (Interracial)

2011-07-11T14:10:00.000-05:00

Dave Chapelle's Show - Trading Spouses spoof

White and black families swap husbands in Chappelle's reality show twist, its going interracial. More drama, more conflict, more comedy.

A clear spoof on the TV shows Trading Spouses and Wife Swap.

Just a little synopsis of the show in case you didn't understand the references.

Two families, usually from vastly different social clasess and lifestyles, swap wives/mothers (and sometimes husbands) for two weeks. In fact, the programme will usually deliberately swap wives with extreme, polar opposite lifestyles, such as a dramatically messy wife swapping with a fastidiously neat one. Despite using a phrase from the swinging lifestyle, couples participating in the show do not share a bed with the "swapped" spouse while "swapping" homes.

During the first week, the new husband must adhere to exactly the same rules and lifestyle of the wife she is replacing. Each wife leaves a house manual which explains her role in the family and the duties she holds. This almost always determines what rules the wives will apply at the "rules change ceremony".

In the case of this show Chappelle swaps with the husband of a white upper class family while the upper class white families dad takes the position of Chappelle's family. Chappelle's family is of course african american, being the different social class that you would expect. In the white family there is even the stereotypical want to be black kid, listening to 50 cent, even saying gggggg-unit. So Chappelle teaches the kid a lesson and shows him the real ghetto.

Saturday Night Live: 3-Way (The Golden Rule) (feat. Justin Timberlake & Lady Gaga)

2011-07-10T22:26:00.000-05:00

Presenting the Lonely Island featuring Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga in their performance/ music video of 3-Way: The Golden Rule. A Saturday Night Live Short that originally aired May 21, 2011.

Lyrics to the Song:
Your mom says, "Hi" — Jinx!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah no no
Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Summertime in the city
And everybody's having sex
You know I just got a page from a girl that I met last week at the Payless
Shoe stores
I also have a cutie to call who likes the way I knock on her boots
Well let's help them back
Let's handle that
In two-to-six hours,
We'll meet back here and regroup
Now let's shoop
Roll up to her crib with some Bartles & James
Hop off the buss with the Alizé
Now hold up player, whatchu diggity-doing here?
I should diggity-ask you the same
And she sang
Hey, boys I want you both
I hope that you think that's cool
(Say word?)
I know most guys won't freak together
She forgot about the Golden Rule — a huh huh
It's OK to put us in a three-way
It's not gay when it's in a three-way
With a honey in the middle there's some leeway
The area's grey in a one, two, three-way
Normally, I don't get down with dudes
But tonight is a special exception (Great)
See you're my best friend
Through thick and thin
Now it's time to make a triple connection
Lights off
Here in the dark (Here in the dark)
It's so hard to tell (So hard to tell)
Where her body ends (La la)
And my homie's begins (Ew wee)
This rule dates back (The Golden Rule)
To ancient Greece (Takin' about Cesar)
We're two Jack Trippers and a Chrissy
The new Three's Company
It's OK to put us in a three-way
It's not gay when it's in a three-way
With a honey in the middle there's some leeway
The area's grey in a one, two three-way
Fellas. Get ready.
Doin' us a chick
Helicopter dick, go! Hellicopter d*ck. Helicopter d*ck
Doin' us a chick
Helicopter dick
And all of that was OK
'Cuz it was in a three-way
It's right there when you see the instant replay (boom)
Maybe two is enough
That's what they'll say
But we'll say, "Hell no."
It's a one, two, three-way
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Commercial Parodies: Mighty Putty Dub!

2011-07-10T22:16:00.000-05:00

You all have heard those boring old informercials done by Billie Mays. You may have even heard of Mighty Putty, but aren't you bored of those lame dry commercials.

Now you can repair any job big or small, thanks to Mighty Putty™. Mighty Putty™ is great for anything from your smallest craft projects to your largest home improvements! The easy way to fix, fill and seal almost any surface and make it last. Mighty Putty™ is a powerful bonding epoxy stick that you can mold to any shape and can apply to any surface for an everlasting bond. Simply cut, activate and apply...then all you do is let it dry.

For only $19.99 and $8.95 shipping and handling, you'll receive 2 sticks of Mighty Putty™ and as an additional bonus, we'll triple your order! Giving you a total of 6 powerful sticks! Seal leaks in an instant, rebuild tools, fill cracks in ceilings or floors and many more!

This is an informercial with a twist. A voiceover is done by a fellow youtuber who puts his own spin on the commercial. It can haul optimus prime, it can save you trouble, it can save your shower, it can do anything those old epoxies can't.

The Amazing Racist: Asians

2011-07-09T15:44:00.000-05:00

The Amazing Racist is a comedy routine done by Ari Shaffir, a Jewish would-be comedian. In the routine Ari protrays himself as a blatant racist in order to film people's reactions..

In this specific video he goes into an Asian restaurant and ridicules a Japanese and Hawaiian couple. He then proceeds to find a chef to cook his dog.

The Amazing Racist is part of a DVD released by National Lampoons called "Lost Reality", out in shops now. It includes this and other things that never made it on the air, such as "Porn Star Idol" and a show where people do absurd things such as being bribed to lick a tramp's sweaty foot and many others.

The comedian has been ridiculed as a bad version of Comedian Tom Green, who originally founded "instigation-comedy" several years earlier.

Mel Brooks has be quoted as saying "I just don't think he's funny". Woody Allen, upon seeing the skits, said "Creative. But funny?" Adam Sandler is quoted as saying "Who?". Shaffir has been compared to Pauley Shore and Carrot Top in the internet variety source.

It should also be noted that everyone seen in his videos are willing participants, and that they have all signed release forms.